Forever Forbidden
by Ilse'sPurpleSummer
Summary: Bellatrix Lestrange muses on the one time she broke her only rule. Hints of BL/LV, but mainly JP/BL. My first fic ever, so please be kind. R/R
1. Intro

She had never meant to fall in love. Ever. When she was 11, her parents had chosen a husband for her. She had sworn to never love him or any other man. That was why the Dark Lord had chosen her as his lover. His cold white fingers would probe her body, forcing her to yield to him, over and over. And she would lay there silently, hating herself.

Everyone believed the facade she put up- the devoted servant, the half-crazy killer. But in truth, her mind was clearer than ever.

Sometimes, when the Dark Lord used her for his pleasure, she thinks back to the one time she broke her only rule. She thinks of _him- _his bright smile, his dark hair, his hazel eyes, always so direct and clear.

They were never supposed to have fallen in love. She, a Slytherin girl with a predestined future, and he, a Gryffindor prince with all the freedom to choose. Their time together had been truly magical. Every kiss, every touch, every tender word spoken between them was precious. All in secret, of course. He'd pretended to chase a Muggleborn, a girl from his own house. No one had suspected them, not even his best friends.

Then came the day that the Muggleborn girl had returned his supposed affections.

She sneaked out of the dungeons at midnight to meet him, gazing into his loving eyes as he boldly told her he would give it all up, forsake everything for her, for their forbidden love.

But she realized at that moment... that she could never truly make him happy. Sometimes you can't fight fate. Sometimes love isn't enough.

The day he was killed, something broke in her. She wanted to forget. She wanted to die, Everyone took that for grief at the Dark Lord's death. She let them believe what they wanted.

Thirteen years she came face to face with his best friend, her cousin. Horror shot through her when her stunner caused his death. She silently begged her dead lover to forgive her. She missed him more than ever.

_No,_ Bellatrix mused, she should never have fallen in love with him. But James Potter had left his mark on her life- for better, for worse. Forever.


	2. Chapter One

11 year old Bellatrix Black ran down the hallway to her room, shaking her head back and forth as if to erase what she'd just heard. She had been simply walking down the hallway when had overheard her parents discussing a wedding. _Her _wedding. To a boy she'd never even heard of. She sat down on her bed, staring at the wall, her mind in a whirl. Her door opened almost noiselessly and her sister Narcissa padded in and sat on the bed next to her.

"What is it?" she asked softly. Bella shook her head slowly.

"I just overheard Mum and Dad planning my wedding," she said hollowly.

"Ahhh," Narcissa murmured. She was 15 to Bella's 11 and had been expecting this for some time.

"They said some bloke named Rodolphus Lestrange," Bella said his name mockingly. Then she sighed. Cissa wrapped her arm around her little sister, used to the way her sister over dramatized her many plights. Suddenly Bella brightened.

"At least we start at Hogwarts next week," she said. Cissa smiled as she got off the bed.

"You're right. I'd better go pack," she said.

As she closed Bella's door, the smile morphed into a frown. Cissa was very popular at school due to her outgoing personality and her classic blond hair and ice blue eyes. But Bella was dark- in both looks and personality. She had long black hair and dark eyes. She was quiet and usually kept to herself. The proverbial "gypsy child."

And there was only so much Cissa could do to protect her.

Back in her room, Bella was thinking about Hogwarts. She was excited to start really learning about magic. But she was also afraid- no, not afraid. Nervous. Bella had always been a loner- she was closest to her sister and her cousin Regulus. But Cissa was 4 years older and already had friends in school, and Regulus didn't start for another year.

Someone knocked on her door, then her mother opened it.

"May I speak with you for a moment?" she asked. Bella sat up and looked at her mother, her face an emotionless mask. Her mother entered the room and sat down stiffly on Bella's desk chair. She'd never been comfortable with her younger daughter. Even at a young age, Bella had been an independent girl. She hadn't needed a mother past the age of 4.

"Bellatrix," she began, "your father and I have selected a future husband for you."

"Rodolphus Lestrange," Bella said flatly. Her mother looked at her steadily. "I heard you and Daddy talking," she mumbled.

"Yes, well you must have seen this coming. We arranged Narcissa's marriage when she was 10 years old," her mother said.

"But why can't I choose for myself?" Bella asked.

"Stop whining Bellatrix," her mother snapped. "You're going to marry him, and you're going to meet him over the holidays. I've invited him and his parents to stay."

She got up stiffly and left the room, closing the door with a sharp snap. Bella flopped down on her bed and stared at the ceiling.

"I'll never love him," she whispered. "I'll never love any man."


End file.
